


Talk To Me

by Mister_Spock



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Mentions Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 06:57:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10634646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mister_Spock/pseuds/Mister_Spock
Summary: McCoy tries to piece together what went wrong for Spock.Complete.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This does deal with attempted suicide but not in a descriptive way.

“So let's start at the beginning. What's your relationship like?”

“Now? It's good, but it wasn't always that way. We had a lot of issues with trust at first. I guess how he came to know of me didn't really give him a whole lot of faith in me. And even though I provoked it, I always felt a little apprehensive about all that strength he has.”

“You're talking about the fight you had on the bridge?”

“Right. It's what he told me to do, just a different version of him.”

“Do you think those circumstances still affect either of you?”

“Me, no. I trust him completely. I don't know about him. If you'd asked me a week ago I would have said that they didn't affect either of us. Now I know that's not true.”

~

“So how long have you been dating?”

“I don't see how this is relevant.”

“Everything about him is relevant. You were involved with him like no one else. And intimately.”

“It's not like everyone thinks it is. It was hard.”

“Tell me about it. What made it so hard?”

“You know why it was hard. If you think talking to him is difficult, you should try building a relationship. I- I knew he trusted me. That he loved me in his own way but it doesn't make it easy. And to be honest, once we started the missions, things just got harder.”

“How?”

She sighed. “The first thing that changed was the intimacy. I- how confidential is this?”

“No one else ever hears a word.”

Another sigh. “At first, he did great. Despite what he'd been through, he didn't change much. It wasn't until recently I learnt about how Vulcan shock works.”

“What we'd call PTSD.” 

“I think the first thing I noticed was the disregard for life- not anyone else's, just his own.”

“Give me an example.”

"Nibiru. He never should have come up with a plan that involved getting dropped into a live Volcano. I know that the Spock that was working at the Academy would have given statistics of the chance that it wouldn't work. That's how you know something's a bad idea, he doesn't give you the probability that it will fail.”

“Good to know. Anything else?”

“Everything. Every decision he's made since then has been bad. He... he really didn't mind if he were to die. I confronted him about the volcano and he said the right things. I believed him.”

“And then what?”

“Then.... he couldn't stand the physical stuff. It was... the more intensely physical stuff to start with. But it got worse. He couldn't stand it if I touched him. It was like it physically hurt him. It became too hard to maintain. It wasn't a relationship. That's why I ended our relationship. And I tried to make sure I didn't spend time with him, to give him the space he needed.” 

“How did that go?”

“I thought it was the right thing to do. I didn't see much of him, but he always kept that pretence up that he was fine. I- I didn't know the truth.”

~

“How do you think you two got on?”

“Not well.” 

“Really? Why's that?”

“I would rather not say.” 

“This is confidential, kid. I need some sort of insight, and I'm not going to get it from Spock. Nothing you say to me goes beyond these walls. It just helps me understand what he's going through. So, how did you get on?”

“It was very professional.”

“But?" "I was responsible for not saving his Mother."

“Of course you're not responsible.”

“I have accepted the blame. It was hard at first but eventually, I accepted it.”

“You're not responsible. I don't want you to think that way.”

“But it is better this way.”

“How is it better?”

“Because if I am not to blame, that only leave one other person to blame; Mister Spock.”

~

“How do you two get along?”

“As he's my First Officer, I worker closer with him than anyone else on this ship. So, what we lack in social interactions, we make up for with working side by side on the bridge daily.”

“Did you see a change in his at all? In his ideas during missions?” 

“I guess I didn't really know him well enough to comprehend that his plans were quite so reckless. They'd always been that way when I'd been Captain so I didn't know any different. I should have. Should have realised there was a lack of logic in what he was doing.”

“So, was there an incident that made you think about it?”

“No. That's my biggest regret. I didn't think anything was wrong.”

“You started to spend a bit more time together socially, right?”

“A little. After he broke up with Nyota he just spent more time working, so I suggested we play chess.”

“Where did you play?”

“Always in my room. He didn't like going to the rec room. He said it was too noisy in there for chess, and I agree. So we ended up going to my quarters.” 

“He never suggested his quarters?” 

“No. I don't suppose he would. Even if I wouldn't have picked up on what he was doing in there, I guess he wouldn't want me to question exactly what he was doing.”

“You can't read Vulcan script, right?”

“Unfortunately not. I learnt a little a long time ago. I wouldn't have known any of it if I'd seen it.”

“Did you talk while you were playing?”

“Not much. He enjoyed one another's company but it was more about the challenge. Actually that was one thing that surprised me was that I could beat him at chess.”

“Why did that surprise you?”

“I would say as a Captain, I cater to doing what you don't expect but even in a game of chess, the counter moves are only a case of working out the pattern and adjusting the available moves you can make. I felt like Spock was letting me win, but I don't think he was.”

“You mean you beat him fair and square?”

“I beat him because he wasn't functioning properly. I mean, that's what all this is about, right? He hasn't been right for a long time.”

“Clearly not. We all missed it.” 

“We shouldn't have. Not all of us.” 

“I know.”

~

“To be honest, besides from being on the bridge together, I can't think of any instance when we've spent any time together.”

“Nothing at all. Take your time.” 

“Maybe... once on a planet we talked about the plant life. He had an interest in botany, as a Scientist. And …. I don't know. I honestly can't think of anything else besides from polite greeting if we passed in the halls.” 

“That's okay. Any reason why though?”

“No, nothing. I like Spock, as much as he allows you to like him. He's very very competent and I know he's a Vulcan and they have different customs to humans but it's just so hard to get past that. I don't think I ever did. I'm ot sure I really tried too.”

~

“So what's the point of this, Bones? To find out whose fault it is?”

“It's no ones fault. Besides, as much as everyone else, I have things that I could have done differently. I could have tried harder. Been kinder. I just want to try and help him now.”

“You think any of this is going to help? Finding out what? That Uhura couldn't make their relationship work or that no one else really spent any time with him?”

“It means that I can get a better picture because God knows he's not going to tell me anything useful. And I have to try. Because next time, maybe we don't get another chance.”


End file.
